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3 Proven Tips On How to Get Over a Breakup Fast

Women around the world are dying to know how to get over a breakup. They desperately want some magic pill or formula that will take them out of the heartache they’re experiencing. They want to forget the man that caused them so much pain.

Does that describe you?

Are you tired of crying over the end of a relationship? Ready to move on, but unable to do so?

Do you feel like you don’t even want to date again because it always ends in sorrow?

If so, then this article is for you.

I can’t tell you how many women I’ve worked with who say, Adam, I’m done. Every time I fall for a man, it ends, and I’m left crying a river of tears. It’s just not worth it anymore.

Dry your tears, missy. Because I’m here to help. No, I’m not here to take your application for the convent because the solution is not to become a nun. The solution is to understand how to get over a breakup in a productive way that helps you heal and gives you the tools to handle it better next time, should it happen again.

You May Be Asking Yourself One of These Questions

If I had a dollar for every question about how to get over a breakup, I would be a rich, rich man. I’m willing to bet you want to know the answers to at least a few of the following questions, so let me do my best at answering them for you.

How do I get through the breakup of a long-term relationship?

Not all breakups are created equal. If you’ve only been dating a guy a few weeks, it should, in theory, be easier to move on than if you’ve lived with a man for several years. When it’s a long-term relationship, you have more than just heartbreak to deal with. You may have to find a new place to live, arrange shared pet custody, and divide the record collection.

My biggest advice on how to get over a breakup in a long-term relationship is to give yourself far more time to do so than you think you’ll possibly need. I mean: months to years. Every day won’t be awful, but you may do well for months and then see your ex on the street and fall apart again.

If you were married, healing may take longer. According to a study by The Journal of Positive Psychology, it takes divorcees, on average, about 18 months to fully move on. This may seem extraordinarily long, but it’s better to budget more time for healing than to assume that you’re better and then find out you’re not.

How do I get over a breakup when I still love him?

Some breakups take a while, but you’re completely over the guy. Maybe you just need time to adjust to being single.

But with other breakups, they’re especially difficult because you’re still in love with him. You still want him. You can’t see how you can ever let go of this man.

Here’s my advice for this question on how to get over a breakup when you’re still in love: realize that this is not The One. If it were, you wouldn’t have broken up. You may desperately want to believe he was the one, but the sooner you let go of that idea, the sooner you heal and open your heart to the real One.

How do I get over a breakup fast?

C’mon, girl. You don’t seriously want me to answer this one? There is no fast lane to healing from a breakup.

Trying to convince yourself otherwise will most certainly result in more pain.

How do I get over a bad breakup?

Like I said: not all breakups are created equal. Some get downright nasty, with one person (or both people) saying hateful things or continuing to hurt the other.

This isn’t helpful.

If you’re the one doing the poking, realize that you are never going to get closure and move on if you keep up this immature behavior. Yes, he did things that pissed you off. Maybe he cheated on you or lied to you. You have much you want to scream about. And certainly, getting it off your chest will make you feel better.

But do it in a journal. Or to a therapist. Because unleashing your fury won’t change the past. It won’t even change how he acts in the future.

It will just frustrate you more.

So bite your tongue. Refrain from responding with your knee-jerk reaction to a text. Take a breath. Think on it. Find a diplomatic way to respond, or…

Don’t respond at all. You owe him nothing.

If he’s the one coming at you, your best defense is silence. He wants you to engage. He wants to push your buttons. Don’t let him. Ignore him — and yes, I do realize how hard that will be. But you’ll be better off, I promise.

How do I let go and move on?

You’re immersed in good memories of your relationship. You keep playing them over in your head. This makes you happy, you think. But in reality, it’s just making it harder for you to let go.

I want you to mentally pack up those memories. You can take them out down the road, but not until you’ve fully moved on from this guy. Say goodbye to them, and to him. Every day, focus on the present and the future. Not the past. It will take time, but you can do it.

How do I get over a breakup?

Everyone has a different formula for how to get over a breakup. You might surround yourself with close friends who will listen as you cry it out. You might listen to sad songs. Or angry ones. Or happy ones. You might stay busy to avoid the pain.

Try them all out. You’ll know what’s right when you find it.

How do I get over someone I see every day?

This is a doozie. Maybe you work with your ex and now face seeing him daily or quitting your job (which ain’t happening). It’s challenging to put on a happy face and pretend everything’s cool when you’re dying inside.

As best you can, avoid your ex. This might require telling your boss what happened and ask to be put on a new project or even applying for a role in a different department.

If that’s not possible, try just seeing him as a coworker. Do not talk to him about personal things. Stick to work-only subjects. If you need to deal with relationship issues, do so after work hours and via text.

The Breakup Healing Process

Now, as I said, everyone’s got a different way of healing and moving past a relationship post-breakup. What works for one person might not work for you. But you owe it to yourself to find the routine and timeline that fits you. And that might change from one breakup to the next. Just keep the big picture in mind: you’re trying to find the healthiest way to deal with the pain you’re suffering.

With that said, keep in mind the importance of having enough time to heal. I told you that divorced people usually need about 18 months to move on. But maybe you’ve never been married, so you don’t need that long. For shorter but still significant relationships, you can feel better in as little as three months, according to a scientific study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology.

In assessing people who had experienced a breakup, scientists found that 71% were able to see their past relationship in a positive light in 11 weeks.

For you, it might take 12 weeks. Or 8. But however long it takes you, be open to the process. Be willing to do what you need to take care of your emotional health so that you can get back on track with your life.

And please do me a favor: don’t convince yourself that you can be friends with your ex. Because you can’t. It sucks that this person who was once so important to you will become a stranger, but that’s how it is. Trying to change that will only prolong your pain.

Now allow me to share three tips on how to get over a breakup that I have seen work time and time again.

How to Get Over a Breakup Tip #1: Take Care of Yourself

You may normally spend a ton of time taking care of others, like your kids, pets, friends, or family, but now is the time to put yourself first. Treat yourself as if you had the flu: be willing to give yourself attention so that you can get well fast.

Take long hot lavender-infused baths. Have dinner with girlfriends. Watch old movies (maybe avoiding the rom com category until you can watch them without falling apart).

Say no to your regularly scheduled activities. You need time alone to work through your grief. You will cry. That’s part of it, and that’s perfectly okay. Crying is a cathartic way to get him out of your system, so bring on the tears.

Even if you haven’t kept a journal since third grade, consider doing so now as another outlet for your emotions.

Steven Meyers, professor and associate chair at Roosevelt University, talks about the benefits of journaling on Time.com:  “Writing out feelings and thoughts allows people to purge distress from their system, and has been shown to be a powerful intervention.”

There are any number of things you can do as part of how to get over a breakup to take care of yourself so that you can heal and move on:

  1. Treat yourself to a spa day

  2. Exercise (it’s known to help with depression)

  3. Go shopping

  4. Eat healthy foods, not junk

  5. Focus on your career or find a new one

  6. Buy a pet

  7. Study a new subject, either formally or just for fun

If your ex is still in your life, you’ll probably find it more challenging to move on, so consider establishing a No Contact rule. Unless you have kids together, there should be no reason for you to talk to your ex. If you do have kids, set a rule that you won’t discuss the relationship and will only stick to logistics.

How to Get Over a Breakup Tip #2: Get Out and Do Things

My next tip on how to get over a breakup is to get back out there. I’m not necessarily talking about dating again (but you will come to that at some point, believe you me), but simply getting back to being an active member of the human race.

That does not mean you should instantly book 12 exercise classes a week, volunteer at the rose garden, and start speed walking in an effort to block out all of the healing process. Staying overly busy might trick your heart for a while into forgetting it’s been broken, but in the long run, you still need to face the music (and your emotions) so that you can move on.

If you’re at a loss for what to do because you did everything with your significant other before the breakup, check out Meetup.com and find people who are interested in the same things you are. You could meet others who like to hike, take photos, knit, or drink craft beer. You’ll keep yourself busy and make new friends.

Think about the things you did before you were with this guy. Maybe it’s time to get back to water skiing or competitive karaokeing. If you were passionate about hobbies once, that passion may lead you back to feeling more yourself.

Think about the things you did before you were with this guy. Maybe it’s time to get back to water skiing or competitive karaokeing. If you were passionate about hobbies once, that passion may lead you back to feeling more yourself.

How to Get Over a Breakup Tip #3: Reflect and Learn From It

The women I’ve met who have been the most successful at getting over a breakup are those who took it as a learning process. They assessed what went wrong with the relationship, accepted their own role in its demise, and used this information to move forward in their next relationships.

I know. It’s very Eat, Pray, Love. But there’s a reason that book is a bestseller!

Think about it like this: would you rather sit around moping, your mascara dripping down your chin, eating a bowl of cheese curds, or would you rather feel like an empowered, sexy, and confident lady again?

I’m really really hoping you chose the second option.

If you did, you’re going to have to stop being defensive about what happened in your relationship. Maybe it was 100% his fault. Could be. But you need to reflect — especially if you’ve had several breakups that happened for similar reasons — how you could have been a better partner.

That’s all we want, isn’t it? To be, as Oprah says, our best selves? So it makes sense that you’d want to use this breakup as the opportunity to be an even more kick-ass girlfriend for the next guy who’s lucky enough to have you in his life.

How to Get Over a Breakup Tip #4: Get Creative