Try as you might, you just can’t get the guy you’re seeing to take things to the next level. Now you’re looking for signs he will never commit so you can figure out if you need to bail on this guy or if there’s actually still hope.
Whether you’ve already invested just a few dates into this man, or weeks or months, you want to know if you’re wasting your time, right?
Of course you do!
So you keep asking yourself: will he ever commit?
The fact is: you’re not unbiased when it comes to gauging those signs he will never commit to you. Your heart is involved, so that inherently makes it more challenging to see the situation without prejudice.
But I, loyal reader, am the asset you need. For one, I’m a guy. So I get how we operate and am willing to let you in on the secrets of the male mind (just don’t tell anyone I’m doing this or I’ll lose my card-carrying membership in the Male Club!).
And for two, I’m a relationship coach. I make my living helping women just like you get clear on what they want, and to see the signs if the relationship (or…non-relationship, as it were) they’re in isn’t the best one for them.
So allow me to take you on this journey as we explore those signs he will never commit to you.
P.S. While I’m throwing my gender under the bus, I might as well tell you about the Male Mind Map I created: it deciphers men’s actions and helps you understand what they’re looking for. Download it instantly here.
You’re just not sure if this guy is a commitment-phobe or if he just needs more time to come around to realizing how lucky he is to have you. You’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, you went to the trouble of taking down your online dating profile. You want it to work out.
But does that mean it will?
Commitment means different things to different people. You may not be asking this guy to marry you or move in with you, but if it’s important to you that he, for example, agree to be monogamous, then you need to push for that rather than settling for however he wants the relationship to go.
And as a sidenote: did you know that your (and his) age can be an indicator of your interest in committing? Surprisingly, I found out that 76% of Millennials (those 18 to 34 years old) are more inclined to want commitment and a serious relationship than the next generation. And people 55 and older were happier being single than coupled. Who knew? That might impact the age bracket you search for a man in on that dating app!
Waste not another second on this guy if he’s not right for you. Here’s an overview of the signs he will never commit, followed by a more in-depth look at each sign.
You feel like you have to trick him into commitment
You just know he won’t commit deep down
He told you he doesn’t want to commit
He doesn’t let you into his life
He avoids all emotion
His life is absolutely scattered
Your relationship will always be about the sex
Sign He Won’t Commit #1: You Feel Like You Have to Trick Him into Commitment
I love reading all of your comments on YouTube, but every once in a while I get some really weird ones, and sometimes I even see super spammy comments from so-called “spellcasters” who claim that if you email them, they will help you get the man that you want to commit to you and only you for the rest of your life, as long as you wire transfer them money.
I dunno, maybe this shit works. But I’ll tell you what: if you’re paying someone to cast a spell on someone, you’re in a very dark place.
Commitment is not about tricking someone or casting some ridiculous spell on them to make them want to be with you. It’s about finding someone that you not only want to commit your time, your energy, and your resources to, but also someone who wants to do the same to you. And if you have to trick them into that, it’s not gonna happen.
It takes confidence to sit back and wait for a man to come around if he seems like he is never going to commit. But know that trying to force it isn’t doing you (or him) any favors. And yet, women still try this. I couldn’t believe it when I found the question: Is it wrong to trick my boyfriend into impregnating me? on Quora.
You shouldn’t have to ask.
Sign He Won’t Commit #2: You Just Know
I talk all the time about trusting your instinct here on Sexy Confidence, and here it is coming up again.
It’s easy when you’re seeing someone that you feel very strongly for to get lost in your emotions and not listen to your gut.
But if you get that feeling that’s telling you that this guy is not going to stick around, that he only wants something for the short term, I want you to pay attention. Don’t squash that feeling, because there’s a reason you’re having it.
Quite frankly, your gut is usually smarter than your brain.
Karla Ivankovich, a clinical counselor and psychology instructor, describes that instinct you need to listen to as: that gut feeling—a sixth sense, inner voice, or uncanny wisdom that allows the hardwired internal defense systems of the brain to reveal a greater truth.
Sometimes your body knows better than your heart that something’s not right in a relationship. Pay attention to it!
Sign He Won’t Commit #3: He Told You So
Back in my twenties, I had a period in my life where I just really didn’t want a relationship. But of course, I was still getting out there, meeting people, and dating during this time. But I was very upfront with the fact that I didn’t want a relationship when I met women.
Time after time I would tell a woman, look, I’m traveling a lot, I’m doing work for MTV, I’m a dating coach…I just don’t have time or interest to be in a relationship right now. And do you know what those women would do?
They would take what I said as me just being a challenge.
I was not trying to be a challenge; I was trying to be honest. They’d try their best to change my mind, and ultimately they got hurt. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I tried to warn them…
So for you women who are dating a guy who is telling you that he doesn’t want a relationship, listen to him. He is never going to commit to you no matter how badly you want it. You only have yourself to blame if you continue down that path, thinking you can change his mind. You can’t and won’t.
Sign He Won’t Commit #4: He Doesn’t Let You Into His Life
When a guy has no intentions of really being in a relationship with a woman, and he is just stringing her along, he’s going to give that woman just as much as she needs so that she stays around, but nothing more.
Sure, if you complain that he’s not spending enough time with you, maybe he’ll give you a little bit more of his time. Or maybe you start to get really frustrated that he never takes you out for dinner, so okay, he takes you out for dinner. But he’s not going to give you anything more than what you’re asking for, because he wants to do just enough to keep you around, and he doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression that this is something more than it is.
How do you know he’s showing one of the signs he will never commit? Consider how much you know about him, how much of his life he lets you in on. Do you know the names of his friends? Have you been to his house? Met his family? Know his favorite sports team?
No? Then he’s being very deliberate in what he lets you in on and what he shuts you out of.
So if he’s not letting you into his life, or he’s not doing anything extra to keep you happy, or he’s not making an effort to be in your life as well, then that should be a major red flag as one of the signs he will never commit.
Sign He Won’t Commit #5: He Avoids All Emotion
When I say this guy avoids emotion, I mean both positive and negative. I think it’s obvious to you ladies that if a guy is not going to commit to you, he will avoid showing any positive emotion towards you. He won’t tell you how much he’s into you, and he sure as hell will avoid any sort of conversation that he suspects will lead to you expressing your own feelings toward him.
But the same goes for the other end of the spectrum. If there’s absolutely nothing negative coming up with this guy, even after you’ve been together several months and are definitely comfortable enough with one another to be honest if you’re upset, then something’s wrong.
He’s not willing to fight with you…
Any time you start an argument, he just walks away…
He has no interest in engaging with you, either positively or negatively, and that is a red flag. Because quite frankly, if a guy’s not willing to have an honest disagreement with you about what’s bothering him, or be able to have any kind of emotional talk with you, then he’s clearly not in it for the long haul. He just wants to get as much as he can possibly get from you, without having to deal with any of the emotional stuff.
Sign He Won’t Commit #6: His Life is Absolutely Scattered
The gold standard when it comes to the ideal man is obviously a guy who’s kind of got his shit together, right? He’s got a job, he’s got a home, he’s not a mess. He’s at a point in his life where he is ready to bring someone into his life.
And yet, you’ve learned to accept less than perfect just because you’ve given up on finding this diamond in the rough.
But one of the worst guys that you can date is one of those guys who’s all over the map.
One day he says he’s ready to commit his life to skydiving.
Another day he’s going vegan.
One day he’s ready to go back to school in a completely different field.
Another day he’s trying to move to Thailand.
This is the type of guy who’s scattered, and it’s likely that if he’s so scattered, he’s not really ready for a relationship. He may, in fact, put a long list of tasks ahead of getting serious or getting married. Men, unlike women I think, are very compartmentalized. It’s like, we want to find a great job, we want to get our finances together, we want to get our home situation figured out…and then we’re ready for a relationship.
Whereas I think women are much more willing to go with the flow. If you meet someone while you’re trying to nail down other aspects of your life, so be it.
So, if you’re meeting guys who are completely all over the place in their lives, realize that they’re probably going to be that same way in a relationship, and they’re probably not ready for a true, committed long-term relationship.
Sign He Won’t Commit #7: It Will Always Be About the Sex
You should know this: men commit to women when they want more than just sex from a relationship. Because nowadays, quite frankly, any guy with a phone and some decent game can go and have sex with a woman pretty quickly, with very little commitment.
It’s a sad truth, but it’s what we’re working with. Accept it and the rest will get easier, I promise.
So, what does that mean for you? It means that if you are leading with sex in order to get a guy to commit to you, then you’re leading with the wrong thing. You need to lead with your personality and your substance, and really allow him to invest his time and his energy into you first, before getting intimate.
By the way, the longer you wait to have sex, the more likely you are to have a lasting relationship. Studies show that waiting three months can substantially increase the odds of commitment. If he’s not willing to wait? He wasn’t going to commit anyway.
If the bulk of the time you spend together revolves around having sex, this is one of those big glaring signs he will never commit to you. Why would he? He’s getting exactly what he wants.
So there you have it. There are the seven signs that he is never going to commit to you, no matter how badly you want it. I want you to avoid that heartbreak of investing your time, emotion, and energy into a man who’s never going to invest in you in return. You deserve better.
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