Have you forgotten how to flirt?
It may have been a while since your flirting game was at its peak.
Maybe you were in a long relationship until recently and now you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing in the flirting department.
But I’m here to tell you: it’s like riding a bike. You never really forget how to flirt. You just need a guide to remind you.
But First, a Note on How Flirting May Have Changed for You
When you were in your 20s, I’m betting you knew how to flirt successfully. You may have used your good looks and fit body to attract men. It’s normal.
But since then, you’ve become more confident internally, and lady, let me tell you: that confidence is going to be your secret weapon when it comes to flirting with men.
You’re now wise enough to know that men are attracted to far more than your looks. In fact, some of the best flirting I’ve encountered is based on wit and words, not flicks of the hair and shakes of the hips.
So let’s get into it, shall we? Let’s examine both what you should do and should not do when flirting with a man.
The Dos of How to Flirt
As a guy, I can vouch for the fact that each of these tips absolutely make guys go crazy. Try one or try them all!
1. Make Eye Contact
If it’s a “saw him across the room in a bar” situation, eye contact is your primary way of showing interest, given that you haven’t spoken yet. As you slowly turn your eyes across the room, lock eyes with him and let your glance linger. Give a sweet, confident smile, then look slowly away.
This guy may be unable to believe his luck that a lady as lovely as you would be looking his way, so it may take a few tries to get your message across.
Do keep an eye out for a female companion who might have stepped away to the bathroom before you try this flirting technique!
If you already know the object of your desires, look him in the eye when he talks to show that he has your undivided attention (such a rare thing these days, what with sidebarring, AKA us being so distracted by our phones).
As you remember how to flirt, eye contact will come more naturally.
2. Be Witty
Men like funny women. If witty comments come naturally to you, feel free to incorporate them as you develop your skills in how to flirt.
Just avoid being overly sarcastic or coming up with cheesy flirt lines that will make you come off as awkward or aggressive. Your humor should come naturally to you and make him laugh out loud. If the effort doesn’t get the intended results, he might have a different sense of humor than you.
Find another flirting strategy!
3. Be an Active Listener
When you pay attention to a man, he perks up.
That doesn’t mean looking around the room while he recites basketball stats. It means really engaging, asking questions, and repeating some of the things he’s said.
Him: So I think I’m going to apply for the manager position.
You: Manager? Really? That’s great! What would you like most about that role?
Him: Well, I’d get a longer lunch, more money, and wear fancy ties.
You: So you’re a tie guy huh? Hm, I see.
There are two types of listening, according to a study conducted by Faye Doell: listening to understand and listening to respond.
When you listen to understand, you’re actually hearing the person you’re listening to. Guys like that (all people do!).
When you listen to understand, you’re actually hearing the person you’re listening to. Guys like that (all people do!). When you listen to respond, you’re not actually listening; you’re waiting for a chance to jump in with your own thoughts. That’s a more selfish type of listening, and that is not how to flirt.
4. Touch Him (Not in a Weird Way)
The gentlest of touches can let a guy know you’re interested. Let’s say you’re at a party and you want this guy to get your number, but you don’t know how short of saying, “Here’s my number! Take it! Call me!”
Instead, you decide to use touch to flirt. He says something hi-larious and you toss your head back.
Ha ha ha!
You touch his (rather bulging) bicep and say, “Oh my gawd, you crack me up!”
Believe me. He gets that you’re interested at that point. Unless he’s already spoken for or gay, that dude is going to ask for your number.
You can also gently touch his chest (no rubbing or lingering, please) or even his neck if things are progressing and you want to indicate that you’d be open to a nice kiss.
If you’re enjoying this article and want to learn how to flirt with a man’s soul and win his heart, register for this FREE webinar
5. Compliment Him
When is the last time someone complimented you?
When is the last time you complimented someone?
Giving a compliment is such a tiny freaking thing that it amazes me that we don’t do it more. But as a result of us rarely complimenting one another, doing so as a flirting strategy can have a major impact.
Wow, those turquoise shoes are amazing.
That shirt really brings out the blue in your eyes.
I like your hair. Did you style it differently?
As humans, we simply want to be seen. And when someone compliments us, we feel seen. A man who you direct a compliment toward realizes that you see him in a way that maybe he hadn’t realized before.
So dole out those compliments! Just don’t go crazy, or you may come off as a little psycho.
6. Get Flirty Via Text
All that’s great, Adam, but tell me how to flirt via text!
Especially for those ladies who are dabbling in the world of online dating, your text flirting game must be legit. That all-important first message will either get him to respond…or move on to the next profile.
With your first message, comment on his profile or photos.
You’re adorable feeding that elephant! Where were you?
I thought I was the only person on the planet who still loves Beastie Boys! What’s your fave song?
Always end your message with a question so you give him something to respond to.
If you’ve gone out with a guy or at the very least given someone you’re interested in your phone number, send a few flirts his way (but don’t bombard him with them!).
If you have already gone on a date with this guy, make a reference to the date.
I can’t get the image of you on Karaoke Night out of my head! Let’s do it again sometime.
Emojis can be a fun way to make sure he gets your point.
I had a dream about you…that involved whipped cream and cookies. ? ?
Send a silly photo. Note: I did not say a nude photo. Just something to make him smile.
Up for meeting at the gym? I’ll need it after this! [photo of an empty box of cookies on your couch]
7. Speak His Language
Let’s say you’re in a sports bar to watch your favorite basketball team and you make eye contact (#1. Check!) with a hottie. He pretends to need to order a beer at the bar next to you, though his current bottle is half full. Now’s your opportunity to impress him simply by speaking his sport.
You: I see you’re a [insert team whose shirt he’s wearing] fan. Can you explain your team’s abominable behavior tonight?
Him: [taken aback] Whoa. Don’t blame me. They’re off their game tonight.
You: Did you catch last week’s game? [Awesome player] was on fire!
Note: don’t engage in this kind of flirting if you know nothing about the “language” you’re trying to speak. If you’re not into sports, you shouldn’t pretend to be. In fact, use your ignorance on the subject to get him to warm up.
You: I don’t get the whole basketball thing. I much prefer to watch underwater basket weaving. Care to give me a few pointers?
Him: Uh, yea! Absolutely!
Nothing flatters a man more than having the opportunity to teach a woman something.
8. Show Your Smarts
(Re)learning how to flirt doesn’t have to be all physical. Your brain is a prime tool, too.
Don’t be afraid to show a guy how smart you are. While coming off as a know-it-all is overkill, you can get a guy’s attention by talking about subjects you know well. Whether that’s literature, current events, or pop culture, you can find ways to engage him in a conversation.
Just pay attention to his response.
If he’s clueless on the subject, his ego may not let him tell you so, and he may shut down mentally if you continue to wax on about, for example, 18th century literature.
But if he engages back, you’ve got the opportunity to have great dialogue.
9. Practice Your Flirt Often
You don’t have to reserve your flirting for the one guy you’re interested in at the moment. If you want to remember how to flirt after a hiatus, practice makes perfect.
Smile at the barista who hands you your triple shot latte. Maybe give him a wink if you’re feeling saucy.
Compliment the guy walking his dog on his cute pooch.
Touch a man you’re in a conversation with on the arm.
Flirting doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to date the guy. It does, however, light a man up and make him feel good. He’ll likely flirt back, and it’s just as good practice to learn how to receive flirts as give them.
10. Be the Forward One
There is absolutely no rule that says that you have to wait for the man to buy you a drink, ask for your number, or ask you out on a date.
You’re a modern, sexy lady, and if you want to do any of those things, you have it within your power to do so!
Do pay attention to the vibe you’re getting from him. If you’re confident that he’s into you, then make a move. If he’s shooting you flirty looks across the bar, send a drink his way, old school like. If you’ve been chatting for 20 minutes and you’re sure he’s single (and straight), ask if he’d like to get coffee sometime (coffee is safe enough that if he just wants to be friends, he won’t be offended, and you can always play it off if he respond