"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” ~Brené Brown
Before we enter into a serious commitment with someone, we are told to learn to love ourselves. Love our mind, heart, body, and to treat all three with deserving affection. When we're in a relationship, though, this challenge of trying to love ourselves almost inevitably transforms into trying to love another more than oneself. Most of the time, this inexplicably happens without one realizing or caring, and it can happen in both good and bad relationships.
Love is kind, but can also be painful. It's filled with passion and desire, but can also be filled with drama and ridicule. One of the most exciting things love can also do is spark epiphanies. Sometimes it'll give us the most beautiful revelations, where we discover our soul mate and one-meant-to-be.
But the crushing epiphanies are those that also gives us revelations that show you the person who you thought was your soulmate is not the one you are meant to be with.And while these are unfortunately very difficult to come to terms with, it's important to know when to love yourself enough to walk away.
Something I find that is essential for our mental health is making sure we are loving ourselves equally. I know that there are many who will always put others before themselves, but there are moments, when you have to be selfish and choose to put yourself first.
There are three significant times when you know its time for you to love yourself enough to walk away.
1. When you have to sacrifice your happiness
Why is it ever okay to have to sacrifice your happiness to please someone else? It shouldn't be your job to make your partner happy every minute of every day.
If they can't find their own happiness in life, you absolutely should not sacrifice your happiness to meet their expectations.
This will form a very unhealthy relationship where they are always relying on you for them to be happy throughout life. This is definitely no way to live and is a sign that you need to love yourself and your happiness enough to let go and move on.
2. When you have become someone you are not
If you are expected to be someone you are not, and this has led you to become someone you are not, then you are not showing any love for yourself. For example, your significant other wants you to attend a special birthday dinner where you will be meeting their parents. They ask you to wear something in particular that you loathe and would never normally wear, but also before arriving, you are asked not to mention your job, not to discuss politics, and not to be so outgoing as you normally would be.
This is directly asking you to be someone you are NOT. In this sense, how can you feel comfortable meeting their family, if it feels like you are putting on a mask over your true thoughts, emotions and values?
When you are becoming someone you are not specifically for someone else, you need to love yourself enough to walk away and find someone who will appreciate you for everything you are - regardless of clothes, job and looks.
3. When you have lost your self-worth
If you're dropping everything to do things for your partner, and making it all about them and never give yourself the appreciation you deserve, your self-worth will slowly wither away and dwindle. You are also a priority. There should be a balance between what you are giving and what you are receiving. If him or her can't understand your self-worth, perhaps you need to evaluate the relationship and determine if this is the relationship for you.
Let me remind you that YOU deserve love, happiness and the ability to be yourself every day. Walking away is not easy. It will hurt at first, and it will be the biggest, most challenging step to take, but once you find someone who accepts you for you and makes you feel worth it, you'll wonder why you ever hesitated in the first place.