It appears in Japan they have these things called weddings.
But, it’s not exactly what you think.
For $2,200, you, a woman can go get married for the day. You can have a Toyota limo.
You get fitted with a bridal dress.
And you get to marry yourself in holy matrimony.
I’m not making this shit up! Google it.
Obviously for that solo wedding, she borrowed a dress.
How many times have you gone to Nordstrom and you borrowed something?
Yeah, please don’t tell me you’ve never done it before.
You have some event you need to go to, you had to wear something you would never need, so you go to Nordstrom and actually buy something on your credit card. You can tuck the tags underneath the sleeves and tuck the tags underneath the back of the dress, wear it, pray that nobody gets bad spinach dip all over you…
…and then you go back to Nordstrom the very next day and you say, listen, I just really don’t think this fits me.
Nordstrom has an open exchange policy.
I remember, I learned it in the 90s. You could borrow something from Nordstrom in 1996 in return it in 1998.
Nordstrom has definitely gotten a little tougher to return things with. But…
It’s part of the “borrowed, not generated” philosophy.
You’re borrowing some else’s look, you’re not generating your own, which comes down to what a lot of men are all about.
A woman has never come to me on her knees, begging with her hands, looking up at me with her doe eyes, talking to me and looking at me and saying “Please David, please tell me what to say to a man!”
Not one woman has ever said, “If a man says this, should I say that?”
A woman has never ever said to me, “David, listen, if I go talk to a man, you’ve got to give me five or six things to say to them or five or six things to say to them after they say something.”
Men, meanwhile, do this all the time. If you think about that, it’s the most insane concept in the entire world.
How can anybody give you a script? I mean, I could give you one if you want, you could walk over there and say hello.
She will say hello back.
Then you will just stare at her and say how is your day.
Then she will say great, how is yours.
You will say great, even if your dog died and the suit that you borrowed from Nordstrom has spinach dip all over it.
At that point, the script is now over, you can just stare at each other awkwardly and walk away.
Or maybe you can just ask her out like a lot of guys do. They get past the “hello” and “how are you” and then they say “let’s get together.”
That’s what a woman is always craving to do: get together with a guy who awkwardly said hello, who said nothing to her. She wants to go and break bread with him that night.
This is where it’s so ridiculous, and this is where the male-female dynamic really isn’t sane.
You can’t borrow shit that I say and use it on yourself.
You can listen to what I say, you can hear what I say, and then you can use your own version of what I say.
But, you’ve got to generate your own words.
You’re a human being.
Not some robot that memorized some script that hopefully gets you to connect with some woman who is going to run away thinking she met some robot from the movie Tron.
You’re not a robot. You’re actually a man.
You generate words every single day.
You wake up in the morning and what do you have to do? You have to generate body fluids.
You don’t ever text somebody and go “Hey listen, my penis hurts right now really, really badly. I don’t know what to do.”
Then your friend texts you back, “Maybe you should take it, hold it between your hands, hang it over a toilet bowl, and pee into the toilet bowl.”
When you’re hungry, you don’t text somebody and say, “Hey listen, I’m hungry right now. Can you tell me how to chew food?”
Your friend texts you back and says, “You put food in your mouth. You chew up and down, around and about 30 times so the food turns liquid so your stomach is able to assimilate the food and turn it into protein and everything else.”
When you go to work, you don’t ask your boss, “Hey listen, I don’t really know what to say. I’m a robot. Can you tell me exactly what to say today in the meeting so I sound like somebody who’s smart?”
When you go out to dinner with a friend, you don’t stare at them the whole time and wonder, what do I say next?
Women are people.
Talk to them as you would anybody else and they will actually respond to you.
Yep, it’s a pretty amazing thing when you look at a muffin in a Starbucks and go that looks good, and the person sitting next to you goes yes it does and you start a conversation.
The problem is that men have been looking to borrow and not generate for so many years.
You spend so much time trying to find the perfect thing to say so there are all of these awful people on the Internet giving you things to say, when these people are actually sitting home every night masturbating because their own shitty advice doesn’t even work.
Because they don’t know how to generate their own words either because they don’t trust themselves.
Going back to the Japanese woman, I’ll end with this: if you want to marry yourself, great.
But if you want to generate your own words, you won’t be marrying yourself.
You’ll actually be marrying somebody else in the future.
As for marriage itself, it doesn’t really matter if you want to marry somebody, have a partnership, or love somebody for the rest of your life.
It all starts with one thing: the magical act of talking and the magical act of listening and reacting to what somebody says.
THAT is human conversation at its best.