This is a rant.
Join in when you want.
But holy shit.
How many times a day do I need to honk at somebody in traffic because their neck is in the blowjob position staring down at their phone?
I call it blowjob neck.
Most of you who stare at your phones 24/7 are going to have a Dowager’s hump. You know those humps that old ladies have when they’re like rounded at the neck, and rounded at the upper back? Because you’re staring at your phones 24/7.
Just today alone, while I was dictating this blog, I was pulling out of my garage.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t pull out of my garage fast enough because the guy in front of me, unaware that anybody else was in the road, had to check his phone as he pulled out of the garage.
That was honk number one.
Honk number two came at the light when I had to honk at him and somebody in a mini-van. The light was green, and they both sat there. Why?
Oh, maybe some notification on Facebook came up.
Maybe it was some Insta-nerd photo they needed to check.
Maybe they needed to text somebody because they were just so fucking important.
So I had to honk at him again.
Okay, let’s go through the rules of driving.
It’s very, very simple. Green light means you go.
There’s a game that kids play called “Red Light, Green Light,” right? Red light means stop. Green light means go.
Once again, I’ll repeat it.
Green light, go.
Red light, stop.
Yellow light, of course, means hit the accelerator and drive as fast as you can through the light.
So, we’ve got the rules engaged.
As for texting, well, I’ve got news for you: you’re not that important.
Nothing really matters. You don’t need to be texting somebody at all times.
You don’t need to check your phone at lights. You’re not missing anything.
You just drive the car. And when you’re driving, these are things you can do.
Look around and see how beautiful the sky is.
That’s right. For those of you who have not looked at the sky in a long time, except on your screen, the sky is still blue.
Clouds are still white with some gray in it.
Check out the leaves, or the lack of leaves on the tree. Check out all the cars that are around you, and play the game we used to play as a kid. See how many white ones you can find.
Or how many white Mercedes you can find.
But be present.
We are SO phone obsessed. We’re like a bunch of people staring constantly at screens 24/7.
So the next time someone honks at you…
Don’t flip your finger back in the air towards them.
Think, it was probably your fault anyway. And count the amount of times a day you get honked at.
They’re not doing it to be friendly. They’re trying to give you a subtle wake-up.
Maybe I’ll take a little poll in this article while I’m at it.
If you’re reading this, would you be interested in a coaching program that basically just detoxed you from your phone addiction?
I’m dead serious.
Comment below and tell me if you’re interested.
Because I can talk all day and all night about dating and attraction and relationships.
But if you lack the self-awareness to simply take your eyes off your phone for 5 minutes and drive like a normal, responsible member of society…
…how in the hell are you ever going to succeed in love?
Yeah, believe it or not, dating and relationships are a billion times more challenging than driving.
So maybe it turns out, after all these years, I’m in the wrong business.
Maybe it’s time I became a put-down-the-iPhone-while-you’re-driving coach.
I hope not, because I happen to love what I do for a living.
But the thing is, all the things I talk about in these articles — they all take a level of self-awareness. Mindfulness.
You want to connect with the opposite sex? Try being a little more mindful on a daily basis.
And you can start by putting the iPhone down and keeping your eyes on the road.
Anyway, I hope this makes your life far easier than it has been, because there are so many other people out there that are tired of your…
…well, your resting blowjob neck at every single light.