I get this question a lot through some of the clients that I’m coaching:
When do I introduce my daughter, my son, to my new boyfriend or girlfriend?
Well, you could follow what I’ve done, because I’ve been apart from my ex for almost six years.
And my daughter has yet to meet anybody I’ve dated.
I’m in a relationship now.
And I’m going to finally introduce her to somebody who I’m with. So why did I wait six years?
There was nobody that came into my life that I thought would be around for a long time.
There was nobody that I thought I would be with for a long time.
Of all the people I dated, I wasn’t sure of the relationships with those people.
We might say, those relationships needed more seasoning.
So I decided to wait until I met somebody who I knew would be around.
It’s not easy for children when you go through a divorce.
Not at all.
Kids always want their mom and their dad to be together.
But eventually what happens is one or both of you will meet somebody brand new.
So my suggestion always is: wait until you know that that relationship is on solid ground.
Don’t just go and introduce them to somebody that may or may not be around six months down the road.
Date somebody for a while. Get to know that person. Get to know their habits, get to know what they’re all about. Build the relationship and build the foundation with them because you’re going to bring somebody into your life that’s going to have to mesh with your child.
And by doing that, you must know them inside and out, because they might be alone with your kid one day and you need to know how they’re going to react. How they’re going to be.
It’s not just dating and moving somebody in quickly like we did in our 20s.
You know, you can meet somebody and two weeks later, all of the sudden they’ll be moving in.
That’s a shock to adjust to.
Imagine all of the sudden your child has been living alone with you for a few years.
Then all of the sudden you meet somebody, and two months later you’ve moved them in.
Pure shock for the kid.
Who’s just replaced the mom or replaced the dad? You’re now living with them on a daily basis.
So I always say, proceed with caution.
Get to know somebody inside and out before you go and introduce them to your kid.
Because the last thing your kids need to have is the story of how mom or dad had multiple girlfriends, you weren’t quite sure the names of all of them, but you just remember some of their faces.
You’re teaching your children how to have relationships.
You’re teaching your children about intimacy.
You’re teaching your children about lots of things through your relationships.
So make sure that you are cautious.
All I can say is, take your time. You’ve got enough single mom or single dad time to cultivate a relationship. Use it wisely.
When you bring somebody in, you want to make sure they’re going to be around.